Relationships – What do you want?

The relationships we have with one another, can often create the most misunderstandings in our lives. When we misunderstand or incorrectly perceive anothers communications, we create tensions and distance, rather than recognising all the things we have in common.  Recognising the shared values and experiences, are key to creating real potential for growth and longevity.  In order to create effective relationships  we need to communicate with others according to their priorities and values. When you learn to do this, then you can apply this valuable skill to every other aspect of your life, be it your business, your family and your most intimate personal life. 

Many of us have been in love with someone past that initial romantic period, the ‘in love’ phase. Once this ‘in love’ phase wears off,  you recognise that relationships don’t make you happy, joyous or any other of the words used to give us the image of happy ever after, from the fairy tales we were told as children. Instead, what we actually get is, the realisation that sometimes you perceive yourself to be feeling better on some days than others. This is exactly the same as when you’re living on your own. Many people living on their own or in relationships that they perceive as ‘unsatisfying’ imagine their life with the so-called picture perfect children, adoring lover, mutually responsive spouse, appreciative boss, eager employees, supportive parents, loyal friends etc., believing that they need all of that to function happily and contentedly in their life, and to complete them.  This is an illusion of the highest order.  What we need to do is to learn to appreciate each one of the people already in our lives, simply for what they bring to us. To take the time to get to know their values. Truly effective relationships happen when each person in that relationship  looks to fully understand and honour the other person just as they are – completely.

How do we do that? How do we connect and align one persons values to our own, so that we have a mutually respectful and fulfilling relationship?  It is really quite simple.  You observe them and notice, what they fill their time time and energy on, what they spend their money on, what are they persistent with, where are they most organised and  where is their discipline focussed? Ask what they dream of, notice what they talk about the most, and what they think.  Do they have goals? what are they?  Learn to do this in every relationship you have.

You will learn and discover when your values are not aligned to the other persons, when you find yourself in one-sided conversations. This happens when a person is speaking about what matters to them, while the other person is disengaged and thinking more about his or her own concerns. In a situation like this there are choices. If the relationship is important to you, either link your values, shift the conversation, or move on. These types of communications are almost a sure fire way for creating, disappointing or dissatisfying relationships.

It is important to remember that every single one of us will have defining moments, milestones that will alter and affect our values. Our priorities change, and certain situations and events can and do, trigger a reassessment of what is important to us.  At such times  it’s really important  that you both continue to talk about your values with each other. If not, then one or both of you will attempt to alter or change them to ‘your way of thinking/doing’  or you will be tempted to find someone new.

For help with your Relationships PLEASE CONTACT DEE ON 07903 456237 and you can get further information HERE: